Favoritism took various forms at the boarding school I attended. For instance, the house mistress would ask her daughter to cook. She asked her to give the food to a handful of seniors and primary school students. 

Favoritism by the House Mistress in Boarding School

I noticed one thing that most of the seniors had in common, and that was that they were omo pastor, otherwise known as pastor’s children. 

I noticed that when the parents, who happen to be pastors, would come to visit their children on visiting day, money was received by the house mistress. Granted, it could have been viewed as a token of appreciation for looking after their children, and I do believe that played some sort of role. But I cannot help but wonder if the gratefulness of the gift played a role of somewhat favoring kids over others. I believe it did. The best analogy to equate the experience is the kind of treatment your favorite nail technician gives you when your tip of appreciation is given compared to those who do not tip them. They will serve all customers but tend to go slightly above and beyond for the customers who tip. 

Although neither of my parents are pastors, I remember when I was in the house mistress or daughter’s good graces, I was given food but was that done consecutively? No. In hindsight, the food was seen as a reward for good behavior, and for the pastor’s children, it was predicated on what their parents did. 

How Senior Students Showed Favoritism in Boarding School?

When it came to senior students, they had favorites as well. Two ways favoritism was shown include but are not limited to the below.

Favoritism for a Personal Assistant (PA)

They referred to the junior student as a PA, personal assistant. Essentially, you were responsible for making their meals (cereal, golden morn, etc.). You would organize their lockers, pack the senior’s notebooks and textbooks for the next day and possibly carry their backpacks. The PA had direct access to the senior, but at what costs and for what benefits? Well, you were not considered an employee because no money was being exchanged weekly, bi-monthly, monthly, or yearly. 

So from the top of my head, the only rewards you were possibly given were the leftover food, a sense of pleasure that a senior likes you, and the proximity to those older than you. Is it worth the hassle? Being a PA benefits the senior more than the junior. At best, there is an opportunity to get acquainted with the senior, and at worst, you are the scapegoat because you want to be appreciated by someone, and you might feel that this is the quickest way. 

I was a PA for two seniors; they were decent human beings. They were fawned of me, and because I liked how they carried themselves and treated me, I did not mind fulfilling the minimal tasks they gave. I washed a dish here and there, and that was pretty much it. I was not obligated nor forced. I was asked, and I accepted the request. I could stop being their PA at any time. The dynamic was quite mutual because we both benefitted. They had someone to wash a dish here or there, and I knew two people to get answers to questions I had. However, many junior students considered being a PA burdensome, and it was justifiable.

Some seniors simply abused their seniority and used fear to get compliance. 

At boarding schools, specifically in Nigeria, there is a level of conditioning taught in homes, schools, and practically everywhere that is one must not disobey their elders. However, the rhetoric is quite extreme to the point where the instrument of boundaries is rarely employed and hardly enforced in many situations. Simply because the value of them does not seem essential, and it is easier to control people when they do not know better. When you understand that perspective, you can see why many junior students did not want to rock the boat. They did not want to seem disrespectful or be punished. Fortunately for junior students, momentary power was gained when they spat in the senior’s cup of water.

At my school, when approached to be a PA, you had the opportunity to decline. But that was not so casually extended when a senior simply told you to do something. A PA was considered the golden preference, but it was a title many simply did not aspire to get. People were asked to become a PA based on their high likelihood of agreeing to do so because they wanted a sense of belonging and to meet their social needs. 

A boarding school student would not ask a day student because they hardly see them. People that could care less about the seniors or did not give them the time or day were not interested in being anyone’s personal assistant. They figured the title was meaningless if the rewards were not increased. 

My PA experience was easy. I did enjoy the added benefit of the two seniors taking a liking to me, which added to my self-esteem. On the other hand, those who declined the PA offer probably did so because they could get the need for external validation, which we all desire (some more than others) met in another way. I say this to say it is important to work on your self-esteem through volunteering like Ms. Shallon Lester would advise, and through passion projects, so you will not have to find validation at the price of being a slave.

One issue that could arise and must be considered when saying Yes to becoming a PA is the idea that this senior or these senior students will care more about you than you. News flash, they won’t, and they made sure you didn’t forget the power they had. 

Favoritism by School Mothers and Fathers

I think this is how a senior student could be a great resource for students. While at boarding school, I had one school father and one school mother. They were excellent and took an immediate interest in me. 

My school father said, “he considered me a great kid, and he knows I will do great things.” He said this sometime after he graduated from our secondary school. I did not have to prove myself nor jump through insane hoops to show them I was worthy of their mentorship. It just happened naturally. You don’t have to have a school mother or father for an easy transition, but it could make the process smoother. 

A school parent becomes interested in your obstacles to a certain degree because everyone has their own life to figure out. They also look for solutions to help you overcome problems. This is because they consider you their child, and what do parents do? They assist in the development of the child. For example, they can assist you with your homework and tend to speak highly of you among their peers. At least, mine did. 

This is the kind of favoritism that could be useful for several reasons. If other people speak highly of you, it is more believable than if you do so solely. Also, you can observe how your school parents take you under their wing, how they focus on their studies, and their diligence in doing so. I enjoyed learning from my school parents. I was not the only person that liked them. The school did, too, for they both were prefects at the school. 

Bottom-line

The main point that I want you to gather from this blog post is that favoritism can make your life easier, and being labeled as “the favorite” can give you the opportunity to access resources that are not available to many. So, make use of it. Do not run away from it. It is strategic because it is efficient.

Also, I encourage you to develop your self-esteem before you go to boarding school. Depending on the age when you go, this can be a challenging but not an impossible task. Improving your self-esteem and showing up for yourself can be difficult. If you want to try something, try it regardless of the outcome. It is about the experience. The more you develop your self-esteem from within, the less likely you will allow external sources to define who you should be. After all, family, friends, nor your neighbors did not create you; God did.