I want to thank the viewer who asked me to discuss this topic as a comment under one of my Youtube videos. I detest bullying. Unfortunately, it is inevitable in various social structures. Since bullying can not be eradicated in a realistic world, is there something we can do to minimize the chances of being targeted? 

Let’s define bullying. According to Oxford Languages, bullying can be defined as “seek to harm, intimidate, or coerce (someone perceived as vulnerable).” While Merriam- Webster defines favoritism as “the state or fact of being a favorite.” This leads me to wonder did bullying or favoritism take place at my boarding school? 

Both occurred. In some situations, I saw seniors misusing their seniority status. In other instances, teachers had their preferences for one reason or another. When it comes to what happened to me personally, I leaned more into the favoritism category. 

There were a couple of instances where a senior did not like me for whatever reason and therefore made an unnecessary verbal comment, but for the most part, I could maximize my outcomes. Everyone does not need to like me. The real question is “Do I like me?” I have learned adversity can be useful and that is what they do not know. 

When I reflect on my boarding school experience, I have decided to change the meaning of what happened not because I want to detach myself from the experience of being on the receiving end of uncouth behavior but because I do not view myself or the experience from a victim mindset. It is not helpful because it can stagger my growth. Therefore, I do not subscribe to that notion. 

I am aware that I can not change what happened but it is my responsibility like Ms. Shallon Lester would say, to “reframe and change what it means.” Instead, I prioritize my energy on reflecting on the good that occurred from being a “favorite.” “Bullies prey on people who they think will be easy targets” as Ms. Shallon Lester has mentioned in one of her videos. Someone who will not question their ways and certainly not view their treatment as an opportunity to shape their victim for success in the future. 

Bullies want to reduce an individual’s self-esteem. This was the intention of an 8th grader who called me “fat” when I was in 7th grade. I decided to tell someone who later spoke to the 8th grader and such a comment was not repeated at least not from the 8th grader. I wanted the tone of the association to be set for future interactions. I refused to be her victim because she had ill feelings about herself.  In retrospect, I could have benefited from learning about portion control and reducing the Tokshop runs but that should have been something I decided independently and not projected on me.

Before I share the three examples of how favoritism was demonstrated towards me and what I did about it, I would say if you find yourself in the position of someone using their seniority to intimidate you, your response must be strategic because showing any sort of perceived weakness will not benefit you. Therefore, give the impression that you think of yourself in a higher regard by doing things that will give you confidence such as completing one large task on your to-do list. In addition to this, it will benefit you to be perceived as someone who should not be messed with through your appearance. Occasionally, make an example of someone by publicly calling them out on their unproductive behavior. Others will get the message.

Remember there is someone higher in the power chain. Get acquainted with them and use the resource as you see fit.